Sunday, July 17, 2011

A Lesson Learned....

Hi family and friends!

My sister, Kristy, and her husband, Moose, have done a blog for several years, and it's always a topic of conversation at family get-togethers.  Now I thought it's our turn.  The thing I love most about my sister's blog is the story of their life and the lives of their kids that are all recorded in one place with funny stories and pictures and memories that will last them a lifetime.  What a great gift to give your children one day!  I often go back in time on their blog to re-watch videos and re-live memories of birthdays, family get-togethers, and holidays.

So, you might be wondering "Blogs are a great way to record life's memories and share pictures and videos of your children with friends and family, but what does that have to do with Robert and Kelly's life?  They don't have children."  Although that is very true at the moment, we truly hope that isn't true for long as we are trying to get pregnant and expand of family with a little one!  WE ARE VERY EXCITED!!!  We have been trying to get pregnant since the end of April, and although we haven't been trying for very long, we have run into some speed bumps along the way.  I didn't realize how type-A I was till we decided we wanted to have a baby.  Here's how the story goes....

I believe it was around October of 2010 when Robert told me he was ready to have a baby.  We were in Applebees eating dinner, and I remember talking about my friend's baby and then just light-heartedly asking Robert if he was ready to have a baby yet.  By this point we had been married for over 5 years, and when we got married he said we were waiting at least 5 years before having baby.  One, two, even three years into marriage, anytime someone would ask him when we were going to start having babies he would still say in 5 years.  So when I light-heartedly asked him at Applebees I was surprised to hear him say he was ready.  So surprised in fact that I started crying right there at the table (thankfully we were alone!).  I didn't realize I had wanted one so badly that I would actually cry when Robert said he was ready.  So right away I started planning (like I said earlier, I didn't realize how type-A I was till all this baby talk started!).  I knew I could take 12 weeks off of work if I wanted to and as a teacher I definitely didn't want to miss the beginning of a new school year if I didn't have to.  So I counted back from the last week of school for the 2011-2012 school year allowing myself 3 months with the baby and 2 months of summer, and "the plan" started taking shape.  We planned when I would stop taking birth control, when we would start trying, and when we hoped to deliver.  May 1st was the infamous "start trying" date, and as many of you know, I'm pretty much an open book.  I wear my emotions on my sleeve around the people that I love, and if you ask I'll pretty much tell all.  So a few close friends at work now ask "How's May 1st coming?"

I had mentioned earlier that although we hadn't been trying that long, we have hit some speed bumps that made me really take a step back and reconsider "my plan."  Some family had warned me about trying to plan a pregnancy, but even though I knew logically that planning a pregnancy wasn't very realistic, I was determined to do it anyway.  I thought if I used those nifty ovulation kits, then I could basically "plan" the date of conception and therefore the delivery.   Hahahahaha, boy was I wrong!!!  After using the ovulation kit for almost two months and not getting a "positive" response that I was ovulating, I grew a little concerned.  I called my doctor, and she said to come in and they'll do a blood test.  The blood work came back showing that I was not ovulating, and I needed to come in again for an appointment with my doctor.  My doctor assured me that I shouldn't be concerned yet, but that we needed to figure out why I wasn't ovulating.  She recommended that I gain a little weight (not super excited about that!) and sent me to get more blood work done and a pelvic ultrasound just to be sure that nothing more serious was wrong.  Thankfully all of the tests came back clear, and my doctor prescribed a fertility medicine (Clomid) for me to take for 3 months.  This medicine is used to stimulated ovulation and according to what I've heard and read, it seems pretty effective.  If after 3 months I'm not pregnant then I will see a fertility specialist for further options.

Here's what I've learned from all of this:  MY plans do not work!  I had tried to plan out every detail of this without including the one who in ultimately in control: God.  God's plan work!  He knows what's best for my life, and Robert's life, and the life of our future child.  I had planned it out so well, that worry consumed me that it wouldn't work out.  I wanted a March baby and 5 months off before the next school year.  I wanted it so bad that I thought about it all the time, talked about it all the time, but.....I didn't pray about it all the time.  Having difficulty getting pregnant and having to use a fertility medicine was my wake up call.  One that I desperately needed.  I am not in control and "my plans" without God will not succeed.  Robert and I pray everyday about having a healthy baby soon, but we know ultimately that it is God's will whether we will be blessed with children of our own.  We are truly filled with hope at this point.  It was amazing the sense of relief I felt when finally praying and releasing all I hope for into God's hands.  I feel such peace about the whole situation.  Obviously I still want to have a baby with as much time off before the next school year starts as possible, but now I'm completely okay if that's not what happens.  God's love is so great that He has already blessed Robert and I so much, and He will continue to do so.  I have no doubt.

Till next time......lots of love
Kelly